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Police Pages

#1 by Sheldonboy , Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:37 pm

Can you do your bit and help the Police

http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/mid...can-you-9635557


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Last edited 08.11.2015 | Top

RE: POLICE PAGES

#2 by Voltman , Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:46 pm

I'm sorry, I know this must be very irritating to you but there is nothing we can do.
I can give you a crime number if you need one.


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RE: POLICE PAGES

#3 by Voltman , Tue Aug 11, 2015 9:02 am

Hello caller, you say they are smashing your front door in with a sledgehammer? I'm not sure that is entirely illegal.
Anyway, we are quite busy at the moment trying to get people to invent twenty year old claims against well known men.

Could you ring back when they are actually inside your house and beating you to death, then we'll see if we can't rustle up a crime number for you?


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RE: POLICE PAGES

#4 by astwood , Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:52 pm

If its DIY crime prevention from now on im keeping my baseball bat handy


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RE: POLICE PAGES

#5 by Voltman , Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:00 am

Hello caller, if you insist on beating your assailant with a baseball bat then at least drag his body into the street afterwards. It will save us an awful lot of time tracking you down.
Please be advised that if your assailant turns out to be known to us as an habitual violent offender then we will be forced to arrest you and treat you worse than our old friends, the criminals, who keep us in work for the thirty years we have to serve before we retire at fifty.

Oh yes, I nearly forgot to ask, did anyone famous ever come on to you while you were cosying up to them for sycophantic reasons? If not, do you think you might be able to remember something you haven't forgotten for the last forty years, like it never happened and then it suddenly came to you under interrogation?
It might help us to help you.

Oh dear we seem to have run out of crime numbers, will you take a rain check?


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Calendars for all years
http://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/meteor-shower/

 
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RE: POLICE PAGES

#6 by Sheldonboy , Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:16 pm

Volty if this is going to turn into a serial, can I have the film rights please.


The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
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RE: POLICE PAGES

#7 by Voltman , Thu Aug 13, 2015 11:59 pm

I'm sorry SB, we have a warrant, now you see it now you don't, that says quite clearly, to those of us who have seen it, that we may enter you or your premises and remove any and all evidence, that we find or bring with us, for the purposes of sending you down.
This may or may not include any documents, whether subject to copyright or otherwise, that have the potential to become the subject of a film script at a date later than the date on which said documents were discovered and immediately removed for the purposes of evidence of involvement in either a crime or not a crime.

If you believe you have a claim to any such rights then you should follow this up in civil courts as the police are unable to help in such matters. A crime number will not be provided.

May we take this opportunity to remind you that any hereto unsavoury thoughts you may not have had regarding any deceased celebrity and/or politician may now be formed into hearsay evidence and forwarded to our special ten thousand strong past imaginary crimes unit for fast track processing into a monetary claims case. We cannot guarantee anonymity during this process as we routinely leak all of our dodgy evidence to the gutter press.


The David Hey's Collection of Railway Photographs
Calendars for all years
http://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/meteor-shower/

 
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Last edited 08.14.2015 | Top

RE: POLICE PAGES

#8 by Sheldonboy , Fri Aug 14, 2015 6:34 am

I see


The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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RE: POLICE PAGES

#9 by Voltman , Sun Aug 16, 2015 10:15 pm

What did you see? You're not withholding evidence are you?


The David Hey's Collection of Railway Photographs
Calendars for all years
http://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/meteor-shower/

 
Voltman

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Posts: 18.437
Date registered 02.24.2010


RE: POLICE PAGES

#10 by Sheldonboy , Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:31 am

Volty's have you ever thought of joining a police. Committee.
They love constructive criticism. [Little LOL]


The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
http://brummiestalking.org.uk/

 
Sheldonboy

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Date registered 12.22.2009


   

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